Giles Capra had never been a counter of sheep.
Instead, when his mind was in overdrive and sleep eluded him- his course of action was to sink back in time and recount the newspapers he’d delivered as a boy: dragging a wagon in the frosty Illinois predawn; the bottles and cans he’d collected to turn in at the recycling center; the baseball cards he’d scrimped and saved for, wheeled and dealt. In aggregate, the walls and cities worth of paper, glass, aluminum that had passed through his child hands as a means to an end.
Sometimes he resurfaced in the midst of a dream wherein he was slumped in the back of a chauffeured car: panic might set in.
Was he late for a flight? Had he forgotten to send flowers for his wife’s birthday? Had he been a bad boy?
Fumbling in the pockets of his suit, he’d fish for clues: business cards, notes from his assistant on his phone.
Mid-stream, he always sought the thread that he could follow, either backwards to the jumping-off point, or ahead in time towards the conclusion, culmination, money shot.
He bristled at the disorientation he felt in dreams, resented the slippery lack of cause and effect, the fact that he could jump through a series of hoops and accomplish tasks all night long, only to have the carrot dangling on the stick dissolve into nothing. 🥕💨
His nightmares were riddled with false starts, failures, squandered resources.
Mistress Louisa was a beacon: the pressure of her tall black leather boot against the nape of his neck in the subconscious chaos eased his spirit as if it were Temple Grandin’s squeeze machine.
No nocturnal sensation was more soothing than sleep paralysis: the abject surrender to gravity bearing down. The inability to move releasing him for long, bottomless moments from the responsibility to make the most of himself.
You’ve been a bad bad boy, Louisa would say. You are a lump of coal.
Turn me into a diamond, he’d gasp.
Turn me into a diamond.
This has been a Neon Altar New Moon Story,
In which the writer, inspired by the month's new moon lunation and a portrait, interprets an astrological sign as character.
To apply to write for a sign in 2019, please email firstname.lastname@example.org
This month's Capricorn New Moon Story created by:
Words: Gillian Masland, @jung_americans
Model: Harpal Sodhi, @sodhipop
MUA/ Stylist: Derya Derman, @derya_was_here
Astrological consultant: Gillian Masland, @jung_americans
Photographer: Suzy Mae, @suzy_mae
Please credit @neonaltar & above if reposting 🙏🏻